'Mude'

Initial Message:

From: m.ude88@msn.com
 To: ..
 Date: Fri, 4 May 2012 05:47:58 +0200
 Subject: Please i need your help,

 Please i need your help,

  Dear friend

 I am Mude Rashid by name I from Niger Republic, A friend of mine promise me that He will take me to Europe where He is, due to He has see my situation in Niger, my Education was stopped and no hand-work then He now decided to take me to Europe to continue my Education and the Europe He promise me is Burkina-Faso I ask Him to do what here? He answer and said 149, I said to Him please I we not do it and I decide to go back to Niger where I come from He said I will go back whit my own money and I have no money whit me, that is why I contact you for help, please I want to go back, I do not want to do the 419 in my life please help me to go back my country, I distop you because my parent Is late I could have called to home please, any amount you wish God will reword you not me.

  A 22 yrs old boy like me doing 419 is not good, please for my life sake save me.

 Thanks And God Bless

  Mude Rashid.

Reply:

Hi there Mude Dog!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What's popping honkey? I read of your plight with a sad face and fingers crossed behind my back. What gives with your nasty friend huh???!!!! Education stopped and no hand-work! (Are you a wanker??). What a tragic episode! I notice that you refer to your friend as 'He' with a capital 'H'. Is your friend God Mude?????? I can't believe your friends with actual God! And now i'm friends with you who is friends with God!! Does that make me like Peter the apostle or something? Do me a favour, i know 'He' is probs very busy but if you remember next time you see 'Him' could you ask him to have a look at my auntie Lily's rectal prolapse? It's bothering her something terrible and she's even got the stage where she can't watch Deal or no deal with Noel Edmonds anymore 'cos each time she sits down to watch the pain in unbearable and she has come to make a false association between the pain and Noel's unnaturally groomed beard! Every time she glimpses Noel's beard now? Agony!! Totes tragic! So, if 'He' could like miracle it away or something that would be super thanks!

'He' sounds a bit of a cunt though to be honest. Taking you to Burkina Faso and not Europe! Ugh! What a cad! And he's made you do the 149 (or 419, which is it Mude make your fucking mind up hahahahahahaha!). And what is the 149 pray tell? A group of 419 (see, now i'm doing it hahahahahaha!) hardy ninjas in lace outfits who never speak and only communicate through the medium of dance?? Or is it perhaps a 'code' for doing nasty things to you with a courgette and a waffle iron?
But wait! You say God will reward me for helping you out? But God is the friend that got you in this mess in the first place, yes?? I'm confused Mude, do you think your 'friend' might be fucking with you a little? If so how very exciting!! It's like a sinister game show, 'send money or Mude gets twatted'! Well, as much as i'd love to save your candy-ass i'm far more intrigued by the prospect of finding out what the '149' is so i choose not to send you money. Can't wait to see how this pans out! Hope God doesn't 149 you too much!

Looking forward to the next installment!

Peace brotherman!
Niesche.